Worst yet to come?

So, I’ve been doing this treatment since what..umm March 08 now…yeah this weekend and since last Wednesday have been the worst 5 days my body has endured yet. I could not move out of my bed without the help of my husband. This curse of herxing did not give me a little break til Sunday night, that is a couple hrs only, then came back severe again. My docotor had decided to decrease, take me off, and add new medicine’s to my regiman. Pulsing is what its called, along with my IV Recephon daily. This change due to bacterial infections that have been popping up now due to my body fighting the lyme.

Thats when I litterly felt by body dying wednesday night. Heart racing, head pounding, legs and all joints unable to move feeling like they were being weighed down by heavy ball and chains. Let alone getting a break from the inflamed feeling throught out them as well. It litterly felt like someone lit a match to my legs. I awoke every morning for the past three days with tremors, hot flashes, and severe neck pain and weakness. My poor husband had to drag me to the bathroom because I could not walk or even crawl to get to it myself. Then Sunday morning he awoke to hearing me cry because I had fallen out of my bed trying to get up. And they say there is no such thing as chronic lyme..then explain to me people why I’ve endured these symptoms since age 11 and they’ve only gotten worse by the year.

As I sit here writing this I wonder how so many of you lymies out there do it without the help of family or a spouse. I’m very independent when I’m sick as much as I can be, but this weekend I had to have someone there to make sure I could do the simplist of things. I couldln’t even shout out my husbands name when I fell cause I was so weak…how do you all do it? I thank god I have my family support every day. Then there are other times I wish they weren’t around to see this, its only more worry on their part. I commend all of these couragous sick or dying people that are ill who get through every day without a loved one’s support. I feel helpless and a alone, yet I’m not alone and feel guilty for even feeling this way let alone crying or whining about all this.

Will this nightmare called Lyme ever end?? Will I have children some day?? Will I live my dream of being married happily and having a family come true…I’m starting to have my doubts.

Sicker before better, I know thats how it is with this treatment. But how do you get through the sick part without wanting to give up? Is this sick part really ok, is it normal to feel like this? Am I getting to the end of this treatment or is this just bringing out more horrible things that have been sitting in my body from this virus for over 20yrs? Who knows…only the lord above does.

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